Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
~Drunken Personality~

Allistor was mumbling something about how the stars tonight looked particularly lovely in the sky.

“They’re spinning,” he muttered as he lazily extended his arm to the front of the windshield. “Look, _____________, they’re making blurry shapes. Why is everything blurry?”

“That’s because you’re drunk, shithead,” you growled as you continued to keep your eyes on the road. This was the first time you had actually driven Allistor home. In the past, his friends or brothers would have driven him, but tonight had been a Kirkland family reunion. The other Kirklands had stayed to chat, but Allistor had work tomorrow. Seeing as how the two of you lived close to one another and knew each other fairly well, it only made sense that you would be his chauffer for the night.

“Goddammit, Allistor, if you knew you were going to work tomorrow, why the hell did you drink so much?” you asked regardless of whether he could hear you or not. “You’re going to have a massive hangover tomorrow, and I might even have to make sure you wake up in the morning.” You sighed. “Sometimes I wonder why I continue to put up with you…”

Suddenly, you felt something soft and warm creep up to your arm. You screamed and slammed your foot on the gas pedal. Thank goodness there weren’t any cars in front of you or you might have just gotten both of you killed.

“Allistor, you stupid shit, you could have killed us both!” you yelled. All the while, Allistor was touching your arm. You attempted to shake him off, but his fingers clung onto you like a caterpillar’s sticky legs on a leaf.

“On the contrary, you were the one who had your foot on the pedal,” your redheaded friend slurred. “The accident would be your fault since you didn’t drive responsibly.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You sure you’re really drunk?”

Allistor scoffed. “Psh, you kidding? I’m as sober as a…I don’t fuckin’ know…”

“You do realize that most drunk people think they’re sober, right?” you pointed out.

“I was jus’ playing with you, _____________.” Allistor was still rubbing your arm like it was some long lost memento he found in the back of his closet. “I know I’m drunk so I’m still sober, aye?”

“That contradicts everything you just said!” you cried. “How can you be drunk and sober at the same time?! You really are drunk!”

“I don’t even know…”

You let out a loud groan and attempted to nudge Allistor’s hands off of you. You really wished you could have thrown him in the back seat. Allistor’s brothers had said something about their big brother getting hot-headed and even violent when really drunk, but at this very moment, he was acting like any buzzed-out drunkard: delusional.

“It’s so soft…” he dreamily murmured. “You think if I tasted it, it would taste like petals, sunshine, and rainbows?”

“No, it’d taste like my fist,” you snapped. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pay attention to the ro—eeayyauugh! Allistor, you little shit!”

When you pulled up to his house and turned off the car, Allistor still had his face buried in his hand. Your knuckles still hurt from contacting what you were sure had been his cheek or his nose. Now would be a good time to turn on the lights and examine your arm so you did just that.

“Shit,” you cursed. Your arm had a nasty ring of teeth marks where Allistor had bitten you, not to mention it was still wet with traces of his saliva.

“Gross…” you groaned. “Allistor, why’d you do that?” Silence. “Allistor?”

“Ah, fuck, ______________,” Allistor hissed. He was still holding his face. The more you thought about it, you did hear a small crack when you had punched his face.

“Oh, Allistor, are you okay?” you asked in a quiet voice. “Here, hang on, let me see.”

As you lifted your friend’s head up to your view, you winced as soon as you saw the angry bruise on his cheek. At least it wasn’t his nose.

“This is…” you muttered. “Allistor, I’m sorry. Here, I’ll take you inside, okay?”

“I ‘ppreciate it, ____________,” he mumbled. “I love you, by the way.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re still drunk, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.”

While Allistor was passed out on the sofa, you went to get a small bag of ice to ease up the swelling.

“It’s not like it was entirely my fault!” you protested. “You didn’t really expect me do just sit there and let you bite me, did you?!”

“Your skin’s soft,” Allistor chuckled. “You’ve got quite an arm for such a clumsy thing.”

You rolled your eyes. “Says the man who can beat up all of his brothers single-handedly.” Then, you returned to his side. “How are you feeling? You’re not still drunk, are you?”

“I’m sober,” Allistor replied.

Unconvinced, you narrowed your eyes. “You’re not just saying that so I’ll let you off the hook, are you?”

“No, I’m sober,” he insisted.

“That means your drunk. Now take your hand away so I can see that bruise.”

But as soon as Allistor took his hand away from his cheek, he immediately propelled himself forward and smashed his lips straight onto yours. You responded by socking him straight in the face—again.

“I knew it!” you screamed. “You are drunk!”

“In the same spot twice,” Allistor hissed.

“You asshole!” you cursed. “Now I have to wash that stupid taste out of my…Wait…”

You paused and licked your lips. Nothing. There wasn’t the faintest trace of alcohol at all.

Allistor Kirkland…” you growled through your teeth. “Just what exactly were you and your brothers trying to pull when you called me up?”

“What are you saying, ____________,” Allistor smirked. “You said I was drunk, didn’t you?”

“You scheming bloody bastard!” you shouted. “You were only pretending to be drunk!”

“No, I’m drunk.”

“When you said you loved me, was that the truth or was that part of your drunk act?”

“Why don’t you find out for yourself?” Allistor asked beckoning you to creep closer to him.

You made a face. “Fine, but I’m only going to check so I can get the okay to beat all of you up.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Ugh, just kiss me, dammit!”

So Allistor did. It was then that you found out he was a hundred percent sober because you could feel his hand snaking around your waist and moving down. You responded by punching him in the face—once again. Allistor immediately let you go.

“Shit!” he cursed.

“That’s all you get!” you snarled and proceeded to storm out of the door. “Since you’re not drunk, I have no reason to stay here! You’re welcome for dropping you off, Allistor!”

And with that, you slammed the door and drove off. Meanwhile, Allistor painfully rubbed the spot where you had hit him.

“Third time in the same spot…” he grumbled.
Lame title is lame. I don't know why I'm going through a Scotland phase right now...Maybe it's because my head is so dry of ideas...'OTL

This is based on an old party my parents came back from (and my brother and I were in the car, too). My dad drank too much so my mom offered to drive home. Turns out he wasn't drunk, but he really bit my mom because her skin's so soft. It's okay, though, because my mom bites my dad, too. :XD: I have strange parents: picture a mature South Korea and a tsundere Egypt crossed with Belgium getting married.

Axis Powers: Hetalia and its characters belong to Himaruya Hidekazu.
Scotland is based on a pixiv design that belongs to Repoko.

Any similarities to characters, settings, scripts, or stories from other pieces of literature or media are purely coincidental.

This story belongs to me, *GydroZMaa.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconspeckles0727:
Speckles0727 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2015
YES!!!!! I HAVE THE BEST SENSE OF WHERE TO HIT SOMEONE EVER!!!!!
Reply
:iconscarlet0076:
Scarlet0076 Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2015
LOL! I love this, this is a hilarious story, and I love that Allistor wasnt really drunk, but just faking it and the biting part was so funny! Overall, a very funny one-shot
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! :aww:
Reply
:iconscarlet0076:
Scarlet0076 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015
XD You are welcome :) It was very enjoyable! You should keep it up!
Reply
:iconotakuintraining:
OtAkUinTrAiNiNg Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2014
That little shit.... He bit me! And he knew what he was doing! Why the fuck would he bite!?
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Because he thought it would taste like petals, sunshine, and rainbows.
Reply
:icontheoneofyourstruly:
TheOneOfYOursTruly Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student Writer
We have the same type of parent xD
Reply
:iconirysopal:
IrysOpal Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ohmygosh xD the contradictory are you sober or drunk talk and "no, it'd taste like my fist" *falls over giggling*
Reply
:iconicespark1298:
icespark1298 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014
'-but his fingers clung onto you like a caterpillar’s sticky legs on a leaf.'
Or Iggys eyebrows XD

Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
How can eyebrows cling to you?
Reply
:iconlozgamer316:
LoZGamer316 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm thinking perhaps ice was referring to the fact that some people compare Iggy's eyebrows to caterpillars
Reply
:iconicespark1298:
icespark1298 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
I don't know... I think I was tired or half asleep when I wrote that :P But his eyebrows is stuck in his face... Meh I don't know any more, I must have been really tired
Reply
:iconskribble-chibi:
Skribble-Chibi Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2014  Student General Artist
haha that happens to me all the time:D
Reply
:iconcreativecookiecake:
CreativeCookieCake Featured By Owner May 27, 2014  Student Writer
He bit me, and he knew what he was doing. :mardy: emote  (lil shi-i-i... ummmm... heh Sweating a little... )   ~Great story. I wuvs it. Clap Love 
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner May 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconcreativecookiecake:
CreativeCookieCake Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Student Writer
Jou welcome. :happy: 
Reply
:iconicespark1298:
icespark1298 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
“I know I’m drunk so I’m still sober, aye?”
f*ck logic, I'm Scotland!
Reply
:icontakarahamasaki:
TakaraHamasaki Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
trei(three) times on ze same spot...AVESOME~!!!!
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. 
Reply
:icontakarahamasaki:
TakaraHamasaki Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:D :D
Reply
:iconlullabyly:
lullabyly Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014  Student General Artist
awesome story <3
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you~
Reply
:iconlullabyly:
lullabyly Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Student General Artist
no problem<3
Reply
:iconzarraheth:
Zarraheth Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
dude(o' gal, anywayz) ! Awesome story!
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconpicklequeenofninjas:
PickleQueenOfNinjas Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014
You had it coming dude...
Reply
:iconneytiri-nature-lover:
Lol! I love how Reader-chan keeps punching him in the sane exact spot every time! XD
Reply
:iconyukibow:
Yukibow Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
:icon2penglandderpplz: Dat ending :3
Reply
:iconbreakslover:
Breakslover Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014
“It’s so soft…” he dreamily murmured. “You think if I tasted it, it would taste like petals, sunshine, and rainbows?”

“No, it’d taste like my fist,” you snapped. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pay attention to the ro—eeayyauugh! Allistor, you little shit!”

That sad moment when you already know that this is yourself in a few years... TT^TT
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh dear...
Reply
:iconnejitenten12:
nejitenten12 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014
“Look, _____________, they’re making blurry shapes. Why is everything blurry?”

“That’s because you’re drunk, shithead,”  best line EVER!
Reply
:iconirkeninvaderclo:
irkeninvaderclo Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Awesome haha
Had to resist correcting the Scots though :L
I'M NOT TRYING TO BE AN ASSHOLE BY THE WAY!! It just makes me laugh when I see Scots spelt wrong or not used when a Scottish person is talking with the accent and whatnot.
I am scottish by the way, im not just trying to be a douche-
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wait, what? I didn't use the word "Scot" in my story, and I didn't really give Scotland an accent. ^^;
Reply
:iconwxzhenghoppytruffles:
wxzhenghoppytruffles Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ha, puncha!
weird...
parents...
Reply
:iconfloridadaawesome:
Floridadaawesome Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2013
ah~ the old 'I'm drunk' thing~ my favorite!
Reply
:iconseeuthevocaloid:
SeeUtheVocaloid Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Student General Artist
I would have done more than punch him if he bit ne. XD I'd put his sorry fake drunk butt on the side if the road!
Reply
:iconpuiei:
puiei Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
If anyone bit i would srap them with the first thing i see with a sharp point.

ALLISTOR YOU GOT LUCKY.
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Doing that while driving is risky...
Reply
:iconpuiei:
puiei Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
Lol im not even old to drive. So screw everything XD
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Driving is not something to screw around with.
Reply
:iconpuiei:
puiei Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013
Allistor can drive. Hes not even drunk.
Reply
:iconfemdenmark92:
Femdenmark92 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013
%u2022Iggy sees an angry lady going towards his house%u2022Iggy: oh bloody hell guys, I think she found out!!Seamus: run!!
Reply
:iconforevergotenandbra:
forevergotenandbra Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013   Writer
Hilarious!
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for thinking so. :aww:
Reply
:iconforevergotenandbra:
forevergotenandbra Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013   Writer
Welcome!
Reply
:iconnyancat001:
NyanCat001 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
He BIT ME?!?!??!
He's such a seme :iconshyblushplz:
And to top it off, he was FAKING THE DRUNKNESS THE WHOLE TIME?!?!?
*:iconfffuuuplz:
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
What can I say? This story was inspired by my parents. 
Reply
:iconkonakona321:
Konakona321 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
The Snushine rainbows and petals part= PERFECT
Reply
:iconladyofthegrave:
LadyoftheGrave Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013
"Why is everything blurry?”

“That’s because you’re drunk, shithead,”

Probably the best lines in a Scotland X Reader fic ever
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Heh. Thanks. :)
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:icongydrozmaa: More from GydroZMaa


Featured in Collections

Hetalia Scotland by MaddieKixx

Hetalia scotland by H3llo-Lov3

Scotland by justanotherhetaliain


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
April 16, 2013
File Size
8.2 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
13,205 (5 today)
Favourites
538 (who?)
Comments
144
×