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Hetalia Reader-Insert Parody

"Okay, this is really not cool, but at the same time, you guys are all pretty dang hot and stuff, so I don't think it really matters."

You had been walking home from a typical day at [school name] when suddenly you felt something black pull over your eyes, and the next thing you knew, your limbs were bound and you found yourself in a dark, cold room.

"Zip it, frau. We do the talking here," an amazingly exotic, and handsome guy with white hair and red eyes said with a sexy smirk.

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry," you apologized. Next to him was an equally—if not more—handsome guy, but he had brushed-back blonde hair and icy blue eyes.

"Uh, Gilbert, vhat did we actually accomplish by bringing un complete stranger into our house?"

"Awesomeness!" the albino guy that you presumed was named, Gilbert, said.

"Vhatever," the blonde one said face-palming.

"Dudes, I totally have this epic hero idea!" another guy with a smoking-hot bomber jacket and the most bluest eyes you had ever seen exclaimed.

"What?" everyone in the room asked. You noticed that they were all guys—freaking gorgeous guys!

"Like, we should play spin-the-bottle-Red-vines-hat-drawing-randomness-heroic-dating-sim bangaza!" the guy with the bomber jacket—complete with a pair of cute glasses—suggested.

"Ve, let's-a do it!" a shorter guy with a curly-cue strand of hair said with an accent that sounded like Mario's but much cuter.

"I wirr do whatever Arfred says," a very short guy with black hair and brown eyes said from a corner.

"Ha ha ha! Then it's settled! Let's go par-tay, everyone!"

~Le awesome timeskip that is almost as awesome as Gilbert //shot*~

"Whoa! _____________ got a whole bunch of flags out of the spinning bottle at once!" a guy with a mask said. He looked older than the rest, but he was still hot.

"My flag is in there," a sexy guy with sexy eyebrows said in a sexy British accent.

"Ai-ya! So is mine, aru!" a Chinese-looking guy with a ponytail jumped in.

"Mine is in there as well, da-ze!" another Asian-looking guy said. He had this totally awesome hair curl with a face that made him look sexy for some strange reason that doesn't even make sense—but whatever.

"I didn't even see my flag in there…" a quiet boy that almost looked like that one guy, Alfred, said.

"None of yours matters because __________ and the rest of you will become one with me, anyway," a tall guy with a large scarf said with an innocent smile but a devilish voice.

"If Ivan's going to play the Fruit-Roll-up-seven-hundred-and-twenty-and-a-quarter-of-a-seconds-in-Olympia-masochistic-wannabe-game, then count me out!" Gilbert snorted.

"What the-a hell is everyone waiting for?!?!" a guy that looked similar to the guy that sounded like a cute Mario asked in a loud voice. He didn't sound like a cute Mario—he sounded like a hawt Wario if that's even possible on a grandeur scale of measurements and comparisons.

"Sí! I cannot wait any longer!" a dark-skinned guy with a Spanish accent said. He was eating tomatoes and licking the seeds that were spilling out. Goddamn if he didn't look sexy. Heck, all of the guys looked smexy.

~Oh, it's another timeskip. Ah! There it goes! Wait! Where are you going?!~

You never lost any of the games, and it turned out everyone liked you even though you hadn't met any of them before and didn't realize they had liked you up until they played the spin-the-bottle-Red-vines-hat-drawing-randomness-heroic-dating-sim game. You had, like, about thirty-plus kisses with two of them involving pulling hair, one stroking an Englishman's eyebrows, and one poking his mole.

Who would have thought being abducted by an extraterrestrial form of life could be so sexy and hot and fun????

~omigod, so wat did u guys think? lol should I write moar?????XD idk, its up to u guys lol~

EDIT: yay! so leik people said i should contue this so im going to make a new one!!1!!1! it will be out in XX months, kay? lol *shotsohard//
The title says it all.

If you can't tell it's a joke, then go read the real things this insert is based on. (Though, for the sake of respect, I won't divulge what those are.)

I did this to clear my mind for my final. (I should've been sleeping, but whatever.)

I do not own any characters of Axis Powers: Hetalia. They belong to Himaruya Hidekazu.

Any similarities to characters, settings, scripts, or stories from other pieces of literature or media are purely coincidental.

©This parody belongs to me, ~GydroZMaa.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconanaissesteighart:
AnaisseSteighart Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
hahahah this is totally like the stories I had to read while waiting for some at least readable stories' update. the pain my eyes had to endure.... it has come back   
Reply
:iconofwhatdreamsmaycome:
OfWhatDreamsMayCome Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ah. I see what you mean.
Reply
:iconamnesialuver:
AmnesiaLuver Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
THIS. IS. JUST. PERFECT~ Thank you so much for making this!
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Laughs* Thank you. I didn't know there were people who went out of their way to find this.
Reply
:iconhtflover013:
HTFlover013 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
OMG DIS IS SO SUGOI KAWAII DESU~!! DEY SO HAWT ND SEXIII!!!1 LOL :iconnyaaplz:
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I am assuming you're being sarcastic?
Reply
:iconhtflover013:
HTFlover013 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
Indeed I am c:
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Laughs* I got a comment like that earlier. I don't understand why someone would ask others if they should continue when they wrote up the first chapter of something to begin with.
Reply
:iconreddestruction45:
reddestruction45 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
...lolwut?
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Heh. I didn't call it a parody for nothing.
Reply
:iconreddestruction45:
reddestruction45 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
XD Your almost as awesome as Prussia dude!
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Laughs* Thanks!
Reply
:iconcocytus-cave:
Cocytus-cave Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It all adds up now. We need more parodies!
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Heh. I don't know about that. I don't think the actual writers of the real things I made parodies of approve of this.
Reply
:iconcocytus-cave:
Cocytus-cave Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's healthy to be able to laugh at yourself once in a while. I mean too much of the same is not not de santé. I know that most of us are the Queens of long obsession.

You're right of course, it was a bit out of line but I still feel that something as funny as this could become the Simpsons in a line of stories. Your parody wasn't too strong and it wasn't insanely insulting. I guess that's the point.
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Laughs* I see. Some of this site's writers' personalities in of themselves can be a parody all on their own. (But that's going too far.)

Of course, parodies are created to exaggerate the general idea of a theme so we realize how ridiculous or pointless something is. They can be both eye-opening and funny at the same time. Looking back at this story, I found how hilarious it was to attempt to read this out loud.

Perhaps in the near future, I'll write another parody, but for now, it's best to keep something like this hidden on my page or tucked in the files of other humor-related fan fiction.
Reply
:iconcocytus-cave:
Cocytus-cave Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I respect that. You have every right to want your own safety from instinctive hurtles to conclusions you barely thought of blinking towards.

Parodies, when done right can be discomforting but equally trips of over self ridicule. It's not some morbid game against the fandom. I believe you enjoy it. Nor is it a way to protect the characters most dear to you in your matchmaking fantasies (we are mostly all guilty of such). A decent parody is when you can take a situation like this and add England's eyebrows for the lolz. :D
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ha ha! These do take some investment to write, believe it or not.

I added England's eyebrows just for kicks, but his eyebrows are a debatable e-zone so I thought I'd add that little bit, too.
Reply
:iconplasticpudding:
PlasticPudding Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012
Perfect parody, but this is a lot better than.. those people's hahahaha. <3 Your grammar.
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Sweatdrops* The plot was all a joke. To say it's better than the real things is almost insulting...But thank you for commenting on the grammar part.
Reply
:iconsarpndo:
sarpndo Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012
o.o wow, that, that was weird. :)
but, it was funny because it was so much better than everyone else's. :)
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What? Really? I was trying to make it bad on purpose, but thanks, I guess.
Reply
:iconsarpndo:
sarpndo Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012
well, it was bad, but your grammar was still excellent.
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ha ha ha! Thank you!
Reply
:iconsarpndo:
sarpndo Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
:)
Reply
:iconstellamarris:
StellaMarris Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Dude! This is awesome! I've been waiting for someone to make a parody of those!
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Laughs* Thanks!
Reply
:iconstellamarris:
StellaMarris Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! I really dislike those types of writing although, while I was reading it, I was thinking, 'if only they had perfect grammar like GydroZMaa...'
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I thought about typing in the style of writing some of these writers type in, but that would've just...Let's just say it was hard enough even typing the strange plot without flipping my computer.
Reply
:iconstellamarris:
StellaMarris Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, they're pretty terrible. Yours was readable, which shows what a good writer you are.
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, you flatter me! But thank you for that!
Reply
:iconstellamarris:
StellaMarris Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! I'm a very truthful person and I also have an "I'm always right, so therefore I will say what I think and never be reprimanded" personality. (Although I do get reprimanded sometimes... okay... a lot...) So, I tell the truth as I see it.
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
At least you're honest.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icon00-ninja:
00-Ninja Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think I know who you're talking about here...As in, what story you made it a parody of...I think.
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Heh. There are actually multiple stories and styles I'm referring to. I just smashed them into a sort of drabble/parody thing.
Reply
:icon00-ninja:
00-Ninja Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Let me see...I was kidnapped...

Yeah, I think I do know one of the stories you where referring to. Either that, or I'm just dumb.
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, don't think that, reader. I won't say which ones I used, though.
Reply
:icon00-ninja:
00-Ninja Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, I know you won't. (Because if one of them actually read it...XD)
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*Laughs* True.
Reply
:icon00-ninja:
00-Ninja Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That wouldn't be good at all now, would it? XD
Reply
:iconlunadescence:
Lunadescence Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012
OMAYGOSHHHH this is so kawai!!!1!!!11!! I can't believe ur writing another chapter, I wanted one sooo baddddd!!! the story is so amazing desu!!!1!!

(Thank you, for making my dreams come true.)
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Whoa whoa whoa. Are you being sarcastic? Because I was. The entire thing was a joke. There is no next entry.

And you're welcome?
Reply
:iconlunadescence:
Lunadescence Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012
oh no, I'm being totally sarcastic, promise. I hate things like this, and I'm thanking you for making a parody of them. I especially loved the last part/
Reply
:icongydrozmaa:
GydroZMaa Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh. *Phew* Okay. Sorry about the misunderstanding.

Ha ha! Yeah, I've seen some people who ask for opinions at the end of their first potential chapter to rack up comments and whatnot. But I think if they bothered to write the first chapter in the first place, why should they ask other people if they should continue?
Reply
:iconlunadescence:
Lunadescence Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012
Nooo problemo ;)

Exactly! And then when they do get a butt-load of comments, (and favorites) all are saying how amazing the story was (like how I did when I first commented)and how it was so 'detailed' while I'm just sitting there like :iconwtfisthisplz: :icondoublefacepalmplz:
Reply
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